Weirdness Magnet

My grandmother used to have precognitive dreams. She warned my grandfather not to get on a plane that crashed. (He didn't, and lived.) She wrote me a few weeks before she died, warning me that it might happen soon, and that she'd like to talk to my mother (and myself) before she went. But, alas, my mother is determined sometimes, a word which in this instance means "stubborn", and she did not say goodbye. I did, in a dream. They did not speak to one another the last few years of my grandmother's life.

My mother thinks that it skipped her, whatever "It" is, but I don't think so. She always knows when I'm in danger, and tries to contact me. If I think about her for a while, she always knows, and calls.

I don't think I am as good at this as my grandmother was, either. She was the exact person that ghosts would want to talk to, that things would materialize in front of, or that visions would appear to, in broad daylight. For me, there's some sort of reluctance, on both ends...they don't really want to talk to me (but I'll do when there's nobody else), and I don't really want to be surprised by them. They come at night, when I am tired or dreaming, perhaps because my defenses are low? I don't know.

I watch movies and TV shows where they have some psychic character who can tap into this vision at will, and I get a twinge of jealousy. I've never been able to just will a precog into existence...they always just sneak up on me. One of my friends told me I should watch "The Dead Zone", but the ads for it kind of bug me. All the guy has to do is touch someone and he gets some vision about them. Now, that would be inconvenient--like mine isn't inconvenient enough. Imagine trying to do theatre with that particular curse. Impossible.

Plus, if I could control it, the ethical questions on a day to day level would drive me to drink. Airplane crash "sighted" in dreams on September 5th and 10th. Yeah, that year. No details, just the plane crashing. And I was supposed to fly to England on the 14th. (Needless to report, the planes were still not running by then, so I didn't go.)I could have just as easily interpreted it as some sort of anxiety about the trip. If I had the skill to control or interpret these things, I could have maybe told someone, but then what if I was incorrect? I would hate to be wrong, so I seldom say anything. And most of the things are so vague they could mean anything. Planes crash all the time.

Anyway, apologies to anyone reading (as if!) for the lack of structure in this post. I guess I just wanted to get that off my chest.